Author: philvaughan

A commitment should be treated as a binding contract with yourself. However many of us break our commitments. We commit to people, banks, work, pets, ourselves… A commitment is something that you have no doubts about. Something you give 100% of your whole self to.

Commitment is a fulfilling endeavor that when followed through gives an immense sense of accomplishment. Think about something you have committed to, followed through with to the end, and how you felt at the end knowing you didn’t break it along the way. Weight loss, getting a formal education, going for the big contract and landing it…

Sometimes commitment can be confused with staying with something long after you should – like a dead end job, or a bad investment. If you have any of this in your life, let’s look at it for a moment. Ask yourself why you are still in something that you have doubts about or don’t believe in or worse yet, that you give less than all of you to. People pick up on this subtle behavior. To stay committed to something, you have to put effort in and periodically change up what you are doing to keep it alive and fresh.

Commitments are what ground you and keep you active and engaged in life. Being free and having few commitments sounds so refreshing to many who have spouses, children, pets, jobs, mortgages… but for only a fleeting moment when life feels heavy and burdensome. Sometimes we need help with our commitments and we seek out this help through our friends, co-workers, spouses, coaches, mentors… By asking for help, we are strengthening our commitment to ourselves and others; we are fulfilling our obligations contractually with ourselves to follow through to the end, no matter what it takes.

I love that quote from Einstein. Change is that scary word that most people shy away from. I don’t want to change. Why should I change? Why doesn’t everyone else change to accommodate me? If I change, then I will be out of my comfort zone. Why change something that isn’t broken?

Change. Asking someone to change is like expecting the sun to not rise. Isn’t it a pointless request? Change comes from within. Change is something we do with ourselves. Only we can control us, no one else can. So why ask, expect, anticipate, anything from someone else?

Let’s focus on how to change us. First why would anyone want to change themselves? Is it because they don’t like the outcome? Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you really want to change their mind about something? You try so hard to convince them that your point of view is right and theirs is wrong! Can’t they see that? I mean do they realize just how foolish their ideas are? Ha!

Cause and Effect. Facts and Theory. Yin and Yang. If you don’t like the end result, then you need to change the actions. If the facts don’t fit the theory, in other words, then the facts must change. Your actions (cause) create an end result (effect). If you don’t like the effect, change the cause. If you want a particular effect, but aren’t getting it, then change the cause.

It is really simple but we complicate it because we think it is everyone else that needs to change and not us. Stop. Take a breath. Read that again. It is really simple. We want a different end result. We need to make a change.

If you want to convince someone you are right and they are looking at you like you have three eyes… stop. Look within. Why do you want to convince anyone of anything? If someone cannot see your point of view for whatever reason, if someone is doing something that you do not like, if someone or something is not what you expected… then look within. Look at what you are doing, thinking, saying,… take the blame off others and look at your actions and make the necessary changes and adjustments to achieve the end result you so desire.

Best Regards,

Phil Vaughan’s Growth Strategies LLC
John Maxwell Team.

So many people wish life was easier, with less challenges and obstacles but without challenges, life becomes stagnant and we stop growing. Challenges help us uncover who we are and it allows us to become better people.

Let’s examine a very simple 4-step method to overcoming challenges.

First, state the problem clearly. When we are faced with challenges, we tend to avoid the issue and run the other way burying our heads in the sand hoping it goes away. Or we may say – ok, there is an obstacle, instead of heading right to it and plowing through, I am going to look for another path and even though that is not the way I want to go – it looks easier… less headache… but rarely does that work out. When we avoid or go out of our way, we cause more headache in the end. It takes more of our time, it takes more of our energy and we don’t get the end result we are looking for. So take this time to understand what the challenge is. Ask yourself what is the question, what is asked of me, what is the main goal? Write this down on paper.

Second, identify what you have at your disposal – what resources are available to you to work through this challenge? List all of these resources out. These should include things such as tangible assets – money, computer, books, etc. And then what skills you have, what are your strengths to work through this? Don’t forget others – what access do you have to others that can help?

Third, design the strategy to overcome this challenge. Utilize all your assets to create a plan of action. You may find this plan will need to be tweaked as you execute and that is ok. Keep at it.

Lastly, execute the strategy with effort and determination. Do your very best with all you have to overcome your challenge.

If you find that you still cannot overcome a challenge, then re-evaluate. If your strategy just won’t work because it isn’t viable or effective then change it. If your strategy doesn’t work because you didn’t execute it well enough, be persistent and tweak your efforts, giving it more.

Practice this method on small challenges and see how easy it is to overcome. Then try it on the big rocks!

Behavior defined can be a physical thing one does such as a morning routine and it can be non-physical such as replaying negative thoughts all day long. A few behaviors are instinctual and built in while the rest are learned through meeting needs. What this means is that our behaviors are motivated by our needs and therefore we can be manipulated as well as manipulate to have our needs met.

So when we have negative behaviors and we want to change them, we find it isn’t always so easy because these learned behaviors that we exhibit are actually rather complex.

There are two types of motivation – the motivation to approach something and the motivation to avoid something. When we desire something, we are motivated to approach it therefore receiving positive reinforcement or feedback. When we avoid something, we are motivated to move away from it or we will receive negative reinforcement or feedback. This is pretty simple. We understand that when we eat something sweet, most of us have a pleasant experience and when we eat something sour, our faces pucker and we try to avoid that experience again.

But let’s look at those things we approach or avoid because the thing doesn’t create that behavior, we do. Some people desire the adrenaline rush of jumping out of an airplane. It is exhilarating – it is something they repeat again and again as it has a positive affect on them and they desire that and are motivated to seek that experience. Some people avoid even the thought of getting on an airplane due to their learned fears that it will absolutely crash and they will die no matter what statisticians say – forget purposefully jumping out of a perfectly good airplane! Did the airplane create these behaviors? No! We learned them. And each of us react differently to different things, experiences, tastes, smells, thoughts, etc. All because of our own personal thoughts and behaviors.

So how do you change your behaviors? Your thoughts? Let’s say you want to become a public speaker but you are petrified of speaking in front of people. How can you overcome this fear, build confidence, perform and knock it out of the park? You have to change your behavior so that you are motivated to approach public speaking effortlessly without turning into a sweaty mess.

Practice. Anything you try for the first time will be clumsy and awkward, maybe even difficult. By practicing your speech – over and over again until it is so engrained in you and flows off your tongue as if it is just another story you are telling a friend, you build your confidence to speak to several friends or a small group… until you are ready to speak to a large audience. Practice.

Shaping. Practice your speech and ask your audience (family members, friends, mentor, coach) for feedback. Try giving it several different ways. Break down the speech into bits and mix it up. All the while correcting your approach and delivery until you shape your presentation and performance.

Chaining. Very good and effective speeches, keynote talks, sales pitches… are complex. They are made up of many components within the speech to get you to the end result you desire – sell a product or service, teach a thought or program, build rapport with your audience, create new clients, whatever your end result is, your speech has to be built on a frame and chaining is how you piece it together so there is a natural flow, a rhythm that mesmerizes the audience. Think about a really good comedian who gets up on stage and tells little stories for the whole set and the last story wraps up and circles back to the first story – bringing the evening to a close so naturally and you give a standing ovation because you were mesmerized by how good he was – he practiced, shaped each story or joke, chained them all together and brought it to a close.

By using these techniques, you can change an old behavior that you don’t want for a new one that you do want. Whatever you want to change, practice your new desired behavior, shape the new behavior by approaching it in different ways and ask for feedback all the while tweaking it, chain all the components of the new skills you are now mastering together and now you have successfully changed your behavior.

Attitude is the one thing all human beings have complete control of and yet many unknowingly choose a negative attitude. If we understood the power of our own attitude in our lives, most of us would change it immediately. How many times have you been told to change your attitude? That is a common order from most parents and teachers!

Attitude is created by your thoughts, feelings and actions. Your mind controls feelings and decides whether these feelings will be positive or negative through your thoughts. Your body then follows these thoughts through actions and behaviors. It sounds simplistic because it is.

Through our thoughts, we create an attitude. This attitude is expressed based on how we internalize ideas. Our mind and body move into a new vibration of conscious awareness known as feelings. These feelings are then displayed through actions and behaviors that produce the results in our lives.

Attitude [Thoughts + Feelings + Actions] = Results

Imagine feeding our minds with positive thoughts and flow through the process. We will end with positive results. Now imagine feeding our minds with negative thoughts and flow through the process. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

By changing our thoughts, we can change our attitude, which will ultimately change our results. Attitude is the creative cycle that allows us to feel a certain way and then take the necessary action to a specific result.

Start with the end in mind and make the decision that today is the day to change your attitude!